I will always write vulnerably and openly. It will always speak to someone.
My teen years and early adult years were tough. For a long time, those years unconsciously defined my life. The low self confidence and low self worth I felt in those years depicted how I lived my life. I lived from a deep-seated belief that I was born to struggle. I believed I had been dealt an extra hard hand of cards and everyone else had it better than I did. As a result, that low place and victim mindset determined the level of my magnetism, and therefore I continued to attract people and experiences that matched that level of magnetism.
My belief system was:
I had always struggled, therefore I would always struggle, whether that be in love, success, money, career, you name it.
No matter how hard I tried, I would always be met with disappointment and consequently settle, even if it didn’t feel good. I never negotiated pay at the start of a new job. I took what was offered. I believed that was all I was worth. I worked really long hours for very little pay, playing the martyr, because I believed hard work was the only way to make money and that I just had to be thankful for what I got, no matter how little. I avoided confrontation at all costs as a way to keep the peace and not rock the boat. I wouldn’t speak up in meetings or discussions. Everyone else’s voice was more worthy of being heard. There was almost a “holier than thou” attitude that I had developed around struggle, that the less you had or the harder your life, the better you were. Again, these beliefs were conscious choices on my part. It is in hindsight that I can identify them.
This is probably the hardest to write.
I allowed myself to be treated poorly in relationships. I “took what I could get” because I wasn’t as good as the people who got the good relationships. I wasn’t as smart or as pretty or as rich or as successful or as worthy. So I settled for less than what I wanted every single time, receiving whatever level of treatment that came with it, believing something was wrong with me and I deserved what I got.
Emotional abuse is real, guys. You don’t have to have bruises on your body for there to be wounds. When a partner belittles you, threatens you, talks down about you to others, makes you feel small, controls you, or questions your trust so many times you begin to believe they are right and there must be something really bad about you that you can’t see…that is emotional abuse. No one deserves it. But somehow, I thought I did. Over and over again.
Sounds depressing, right? Of course I wasn’t living this way intentionally. I don’t believe anyone does. Unfortunately, rising above our circumstances and learning actual practical ways to do this, and even science-backed ways of changing our patterns and our neurological programming, are not taught to us in school. We have to discover this and be shown it as a possibility. And, what’s more, we have to WANT to change, BELIEVE that we can, and be WILLING to do the necessary work.
Changing our core beliefs and rewiring our brains doesn’t come as a handout or through blaming our past circumstances. It comes through taking ownership of our lives and our decisions and recognizing that we hold the power to change. It is focusing on the things of which we have control. We have no control of other people’s actions towards us, and sometimes they will hurt. But where we so often go wrong is in believing we are powerless over how we allow those actions to control us. We become a victim to those actions because that is what has been modelled to us throughout society.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
Thankfully, recent years of immense growth and healing have shown me how much power I actually have in my life. It is ongoing work. There are always more layers. But once you begin healing and growing, the results become addicting. There is not one approach to the work. Everyone’s journey will look different. The methods and mentors that have worked for me may not resonate for you. But there is an approach for everyone. It’s important to begin seeking. If you truly want to change your story and you begin seeking, you will be led to the next step. People, books, programs, opportunities, suggestions, etc will come your way, and you will have the choice to respond or not to respond. The choice is always yours. It always has been. The choice to continue suffering or the choice to begin the road to change…both are an option, and both are available to you…always.
Maybe reading this blog is the next step for you. Maybe it is enough to inspire you to take action. Maybe you’ll reach out with questions. Maybe you’ll start to have conversations or seek further. It’s never too late. You’re never too old. The time you discover change is possible is the right time.
My biggest piece of advice is to be open. Be open to modalities and approaches that maybe you haven’t considered before. Do your own research on something before you try it or write it off. Don’t say yes to everything, and don’t say no to everything. Assuming something won’t work for you without even trying it is just another way of playing victim to circumstances. On the other hand, saying yes to everything because you feel like you need to be “fixed” is an equally disempowering approach. Also, learn to ebb and flow with the changes. You may begin your healing process one way, and it may lead you to another step that is different but right. Be sure to stay open and not become so attached to one healing method that you don’t allow room for something else that may come along.
Personally, I have had numerous mentors, programs, and modalities as a part of my healing journey. They have arrived as I was ready for them, and they have stayed as long as I needed them. At some point, I’ll share more in depth on each of these. The latest one is the program “To Be Magnetic” (TBM for short) by Lacy Phillips. It is deep work that allows me to revisit younger parts of myself and rewire my neural pathways around that experience to establish a new, empowering belief in place of the limiting belief. I’m not changing the experience itself. That’s impossible.
But I can change the story I’ve been telling myself about it all these years, I can change the cycle of events that has occurred on repeat for many years, and I can create the life I desire. This is the core of the work I’ve been doing (not just through TBM) for several years and is the reason I continue to see consistent change.
#Growth, #journey, #manifestation, #mindset, #wellness